Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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