I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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