DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
