I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
