Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
