4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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