I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Couch. On fire.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
