I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
