3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
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I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
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I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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