Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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