God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
