She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
