he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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