I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
