I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
