True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
