just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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