what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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