Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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