you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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