i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
