Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Randomize
