maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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