just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Pappa wants mamma naked
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Randomize
