did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
