You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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