I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
