You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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