Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
