i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
