so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
