sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
