I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize