New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
