just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
