i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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