I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My vagina is officially offended.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
