I hate your face
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
