You just made me feel so damn special
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
