Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
