Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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