yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
