I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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