Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
