Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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