I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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