I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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