Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
