You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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