playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
