its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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