these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
