I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
