I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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