actually, I'm a sock model
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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