Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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