How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
