I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
