I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
