I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
