i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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