The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
