I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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