There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
