Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
