I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
