Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
